Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
