I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
