Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
