So drunk its hurt
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize