dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
