Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
