double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
