By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You ate ashes out of my bong
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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