Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
