Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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