I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
