Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
