I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
