He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
