spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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