At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
