All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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