dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
