Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
