so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize