accomplished twins. life is a go
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
