just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
