You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i would punch a child for taco bell
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
