Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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