There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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