the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
