what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
