when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
