I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
