Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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