i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
