your thong is hanging out like whoa
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
