Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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