Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize