White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
