i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
