hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
