I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
