im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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