I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
