my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
