She's JV to your varsity
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
