is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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