I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
