We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
