Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
