Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
40s are totally the cure
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
