Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
