oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
