So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
