If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
They have beer where we have blood.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize