I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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