I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
