Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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