Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
