She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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