he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
