i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I could make wine with my vomit
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
