"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize