I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
