she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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