They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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