never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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