I want to stick my p in your. b.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize