I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
