Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize