Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize